First Sermon Pillows

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"My child when you look at a flower,you see the face of god!"

The Sleeping Congregation.

'He said his first words today - 'Let's sue them'.'

'I'm just going to say my prayers. Any requests?'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

'And from this point follow me very carefully.'

What's the big surprise? All the latest theories of linguistics say we're born with the innate capacity for generating sentences.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I recorded this earlier today. . . they're his first intelligent words!'

"You told Pastor Bob about my room, didn't you?"

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Someday I'm going to tell you all of the things I've done right.'

'She said her first words today.'

"Wait, so his first whole sentence was 'I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day'?!"

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

Baby Crossword Puzzle.

Applause

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'He said his first words today - 'dividend reinvest'.'

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

Church: Open Sundays