First Real Estate Job Pillows

Monster Realtor

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'I guess there are lots of rotten jobs, Gramma...I hope I don't have to clean the taco hut forever.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

Pajama Day 743

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

A very young man being hired as a groom.

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

The Tightrope Balancing Act of Home Ownership and Interest Rates.

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”