First-day Fumbler Mugs

'He must be so excited - Today is his very first day at school!'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"You overwatered the plant, again."

The Final Chapter.

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

Medical Supplies

'Serves you right, just tearing open the charge card bill and reading it like that!!'

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

'I can dish it out, but I can't take it.'

Dog has In and Out Flaps on Desk.

"I couldn't find the off switch."

'Have you been eating right?'

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

"First me stock split, then my wife ran away with my broker, then my driverless car drove off without me..."

"Look! It's a picture of your first goal in your first soccer game!"

Just in: Condolence cards for the small investor.

"Play around with these figures, Harry. I've given you the total I want them to add up to."

Athlete nearly reaches finish line after his trousers fall down.

Hokey Kokey Association.

'Our mortgage is now owned by a guy named Lenny the Squid in bayonne, N.J.'

'I think I'm going to throw up.'

Novice gardener - not recognising daffodil

"I accidentally logged into Turtle Tax instead of Turbo Tax a month ago and I'm still trying to get our W-2 information entered."

"I'll say it was good. There were times I even stopped looking at my phone."

'No, but my friends hate me intensely.'

'Let's see... you had scrambled eggs with ketchup, beans and sausages, one beer and two espressi. That'll be 15 euro and 80 cent, sir.'

"Relax! It's NOT a heart attack! The owner's manual says to expect intense panic during the unpacking stage, as you wonder how in the world you're going to pay for yet another totally impulsive purchase. It should pass in a day or so!"

"You ordered a tanker load, remember?" "I meant one of these!" (pointing to tiny oil tank).

'When it comes to texting, I'm all thumbs.'

"Your broker called. You're broke."

'He's all thumbs!'

'Well, Alex, we survived the first day of the new school year.'

Golfer has a heart attack on the golf course.

'Hold it - I was putting my card in upside down.'