First Date Storyteller Prints

In Desperate Straits.

"So how was your date with Smiley?"

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"You've been really interesting ever since we got through your origin story."

"I like long walks on the beach and beautiful sunsets, too...but who are you?"

"Did I mention the date I had last night? A complete stiff, no sense of humor ... much too cerebral."

You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the Juke box right now as

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

'Don't look now Muriel. But that Polyphemus guy has been giving you the eye all night.'

Nailed him on the first date.

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

"Yes, when we chatted online you did tell me that you had a ponytail, but...

'Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about me.'

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'

'He was so cute! I touched his arm, and guess what? He said, 'Jeepers, Creepers'!'

"Suddenly I can't think of anything to chirp."

'More champagne please.' 'I see what you meant by bubbly personality.'

I brought a little ice breaker.'

'Enough about me...let's talk about what's on your mind.'

"I feel like I have all this anger inside but no one special to share it with."

"What I don't like about the military is all the emphasis on winning."

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

Social Issues.

'At some point this evening I'll probably say something highly insulting. Obnoxiousness is part of my genetic make up.'

'Oh, my god! It just occurred to me that you might look really weird with wet hair.'