First Date Experience Pillows

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'

"I feel like I have all this anger inside but no one special to share it with."

Randy's dating secrets #289: When your date says 'What're you thinking about,' you must be able to answer.

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

"I don't mind 'tongue in cheek' as long as its' my tongue and my cheek."

"You look a lot different than your dating site photo."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Speed Dating for Turtles

Romance

"When you say that love is in the air, you're referring to the smells from the food trucks, right?"

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

Why we need poetry. . .

Carbon Dating.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"First date hairball... awkward."

An historic event in Candyland: When M met M

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

Dating is so expensive...

Romance

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"She's just being Koi."

Asking out a palm reader.

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'