Finding Acceptance Pillows

'It wasn't just my own country -- I was without honor everywhere until I found Southern California!'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

Prejudice/Empathy

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

Treadway college - A little knowledge, a lot of tuition.

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

Scenes we'd most like to see...

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

Congratulations!

'Cat Lit. You?'

Cover Design for Cambridge ABC (Student Magazine)

Pinara fund

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

I rarely do this after only one interview, but you seem like a perfect fit for our company... Bruce Banner, welcome aboard.

'It was only a joke. I never thought they's accept me.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.