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'I've got a great system. I just pick the same stocks Ed does.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Jack of all trades

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"#Win!"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Annual profits,

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

World Economic Crisis.

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

Fish and color

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."