Financial Review Season Pillows

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

In basket-case.

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

What My Day Feels Like

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

Businessman in suit on beach with financial report and eyes cut out viewing impending storm.

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'Now this is my kind of green!'

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

"We've developed a five year plan that includes ample provisions for another five year plan if this one doesn't work."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

Smiling businessman with rising profits

"Consider this job a reality show where you work your butt off 14 hours a day. If you win, you'll get a paycheck and the chance to do it all over again next week."

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.