Financial Regulator Gifts

'The regulators came down hard on us. They unfriended us on facebook.'

"You regulators are never satisfied. You wanted more transparency, so we put more windows in the building."

"The investment banking division has 500 employees, including 499 compliance officers."

"The bank examiners are here, oh!...I see you already know."

"We shouldn't have expected a banker to play by the rules."

'When it comes to the children I believe in light-touch regulation.'

'In financial news, denials of impropriety outperformed admissions of impropriety.'

See no evil...hear no evil..SEC wouldn't recognise evil if it came and sat on his face.

"I'm bored! Let's create a new financial crisis!"

"So you're one of the clowns from Washington who tells us how to run our business?"

'Straight back from a week on the yacht only to find a fine for the firms' anti bribery and corruption systems failure.'

A modest suggestion for dealing with all the bank and mortgage fraud going on these days...

Banking Inquiry

"Excuse the mess, sir, but this is what happens when the Feds won't let us pay bonuses!"

'We specialize in bank regulators. Most of them are toothless."

Bankers too big to fail.

"In the future every bank will be honest for 15 minutes."

'They're trying to stop us being irresponsible bastards!'

"Whats this? An attempt to rein in unfettered capitalism? That's an assault on the American Way if I've ever heard one!"

"This promises to be the ultimate test of the public's gullibility."

Heeeres Alistair (Darling).

New Years Resolutions...Must not exploit my position to gorge on unearned wealth...

"Go on boy...bonuses! Sniff 'em out."

'Sorry, I don't have anything smaller.'

"Look! Another non regulated bank!"

'I never KNEW the SEC rounded up posses..'

'So that's agreed then. . . in future you only accept 'grotesquely excessive bonuses' as opposed to 'unimaginably overinflated' ones!'

No One complained.

'No sir, I said could I have an increase in SALARY.'

'You know how folks talk about a revolving door?'

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

'The bank has invested a great deal of time selecting members for its legal panel.'

'In the interest of openness and transparency we welcome the stress testing process.'

"Good morning! I'm the Bluebird of self-regulation."

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...