Financial Professional Pillows

"We don't give money to first time robbers."

The stages of gentrification: a guide

"There go the accountants. Yessiree, down South for the winter. Of course, they'll be back in time for tax season..."

"These here accountants should be ready just in time for tax season."

"If you could just lose the smug 'I'll lose all your money and still get a million pound pay off' look."

Chairman-Secretary-Finance Director-Next Customer.

'Some insider trader you turned out to be.'

"So, which one of these buttons releases the hounds?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Profit

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Spot the difference.

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Build Your Own Portfolio

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

E.U. Banking Union.

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

European currency on the edge.