Financial Planning For Education Pillows

'...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education...'

I would like to start a regualr investment program that will help pay my daughter's college textbooks

It's parents' night. They're discussing the college admissions process. Isn't it early for that? Are you kidding? They'll explain how to pay for 50-grand-a-year tuitions. In that case � It's already way too late.

'Sorry kids, we've had to introduce parenting fees.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

Watering Money

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

I'm not making enough money to like you.

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

Graph Your Relatives!

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.