Financial Phoenix Pillows

'I decided on a home based business after my car was repossessed.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"What's a debenture?"

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Soaring Profits

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Preparing for casual dress friday at the investment bank.

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

Dow Jones drop

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

I want to make this company green the old fashion way...

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

Money exchange

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.