Financial Humor Appreciators Gifts

'We can pay you, or we can give you healthcare coverage, but we can't do both.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Loan Alley

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Jumping Wall Street.

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

Footing The Bill

God bless our home equity line of credit.

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

In case of falling markets break glass.

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

Federal Guidelines

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"Let us pray for the possessed...and the re-possessed"

"We must do something about the bloated, fat cat image bankers have a acquired...I think I'll settle for a bigger chair!"