Financial Guru Wannabe Gifts

"'College fund'? Hahahahaha!"

"I was thinking...what if you didn't get a car? Think how much you'd save! No car payments. No gas bills. No insurance. No repair bills."

'With your record in picking stocks, Cramstead, I suggest you put your money in accident insurance.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

The best financial decision I ever made.

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

The economy.

E.U. Banking Union.

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

Wall Street Couch