Financial Fixer-upper Fan Prints

Bankruptcy Attorneys: "If you ain't broke, we can fix it."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

"Thanks to our self-driving car, Fred channels all his road rage energy into doing chores around the house!"

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

"This does NOT count as fixing the leaky faucet, mister!"

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'

'While we're on the subject, when are you going to do something about those potholes in our driveway at home?'

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."

"If we remove the stalactites and replace some rocks, we could flip it for a profit."

A Tax Auditor Prescribes Treatment For A Doctor's Condition