Financial Finesse Pillows

"Not to worry, boss. We only suffered paper losses."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"What's a debenture?"

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"#Win!"

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

Annual profits,

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

World Economic Crisis.

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"You're a fine one to talk about my spending!"

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)