Financial Education Gifts

'You've handled your allowance responsibly for three years so we're cutting it by three percent and requiring you to pay a share of your health care expenses.'

"Now you know how Daddy feels when Mommy overdraws the checkbook."

"Here’s a little walking-to-the-end-of-the-block money."

"Look, if it makes you feel any better, Nana and Poppa are still paying off their student loans."

Child tries to get piggy bank out of a tree.

Just another life lesson son. Nothing in life is free.

Seminar Today: Living an Active Retirement Lifestyle. I can't afford to retire. For the last forty years I've been blowing all my money on food, clothing and shelter.

Personal Loans - "I need enough for popcorn or a movie."

'Don't be so upset. He was able to name 27 out of 30 Dow stocks.'

'I feel such a failure, I've never has a single PPI call.'

"My broker swears they're a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"What's a debenture?"

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

Stock market investment advice

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"I don't get an allowance. I get earnings per share."

"Stimulus is like shaving - next morning you have to get up and do it all over."

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'Order fast, folks - the prices have an expiration date.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"