Financial Education Gifts

'You've handled your allowance responsibly for three years so we're cutting it by three percent and requiring you to pay a share of your health care expenses.'

"Now you know how Daddy feels when Mommy overdraws the checkbook."

"Here’s a little walking-to-the-end-of-the-block money."

"Look, if it makes you feel any better, Nana and Poppa are still paying off their student loans."

Child tries to get piggy bank out of a tree.

Just another life lesson son. Nothing in life is free.

Personal Loans - "I need enough for popcorn or a movie."

'Don't be so upset. He was able to name 27 out of 30 Dow stocks.'

'I feel such a failure, I've never has a single PPI call.'

"My broker swears they're a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"What's a debenture?"

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

Stock market investment advice

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"I don't get an allowance. I get earnings per share."

'Order fast, folks - the prices have an expiration date.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

Failure is no an option: "I'd now like to speak on the topic of government bailouts!"

"I know it's not in our nature, but we really gotta stop charging everything."

"Stimulus is like shaving - next morning you have to get up and do it all over."

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'