Financial Crisis Management Pillows

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

Robert Macaire having lost his company's money

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

Will work for ETFs

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

A Day In The Kitchen

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

'I see everyone got the memo.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

IRMA Hurricane Recovery in Cuba

Why do you need so many computers?

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

Investing your savings

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

"I managed to find a healthy work-life balance, but now there's a problem with my bank balance."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

Profits - "On the positive side, our company has never been touched by any scandal connected with insider trading."

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

City Redundancies - In? Out?

Man watches sales chart drop through the floor.

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15.

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

"Damn it, name a figure, name a figure."

"I've brought companies back from the brink of disaster before Phil, but to bring one back from the dead? I'm still patting myself on the back over that one!"