Financial Consultants T-Shirts

'We have to make massive cuts so we can reduce debt.... which will cut into growth which is needed so we can make massive cuts...'

'Portnoy, in lieu of a raise or bonus, I'm giving you these 'instant winner' lottery scratch-off cards.'

"But we do utilize a budget. Every year we spend my entire income, plus 20 percent."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Businesswoman Empowerment

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Fear/Knowledge

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

The president's men