Financial Bedtime Story Aficionado T-Shirts

"Tonight's story is about sustainable economic growth without quantitative easing."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

Sub-prime Bear

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs would make a great reality show."

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

"And so, with thee help of their relate counsellor, they lived happily ever after..."

Dollars Press Conference

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

"She then bit into the poison apple, hoping it would fend off the hostile takeover."

"Any other refrences besides the Three Bears?"

"Pop, tell me again how Jazz came up the river from New Orleans."

"Oh, great. The bunny runs away and lives high on the hog on my tax dollars. Next!"

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

Bear Porridge

When hunters read bedtime stories.

"She always gets the upper bunk."

'Well yes, son. I imagine some marriages of convenience took place.'

" 'Goodnight room. Goodnight moon.' "

'...but then the Dow rallied and the blue chips began to rise...'

'So the little boy who missed his bedtime was eaten by the awful slimy monster and was never heard from again.'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

'...The household robot laughed to see such sport and the ipad ran away with the smart phone.'

'Read me the fairy tale about Obama!'

"Just two paragraphs from our internet provider's terms and conditions agreement and she was out like a light."

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

"Once upon a time, gold was 60 pounds an ounce."