Financial Advisor Pillows

"I thought it was legal-I wrote it on a legal pad."

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

"Stocks can be risky, and you've got to be able to sleep at night. We'll set aside half your money for sleeping pills."

'A career? A life? Isn't that a conflict of interest?'

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"There, there it is again - the invisible hand of the marketplace giving us the finger."

'But on the bright side, I was able to find a loophole that should solve your little tax problem.'

"What should you do? Here's what you should do: invent a time machine, go back sixteen months, and convert everything to cash."

'Everything on black is not a risk management strategy, Hoskins.'

"On Wall Street today, the stock market corrected its previous correction, and is pretty sure it's got it right this time."

Accountant getting a tattoo ('Born to Depreciate!')

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'I see your investments going up but it's not clear which ones or when.'

'Did you say 'buy-buy' or 'bye-bye'?'

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

'A raise in my allowance is fine, dad. But what I'm really after is power of attorney.'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"My client would like to do his community service in the financial community."

'You talked about 'Fannie Mae' in your sleep again!'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

Basic Tax Law/Loopholes.

'I'm saving up for a hedge.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'Interest rates are up. Should that concern us?'

Thanks a Mil, Warren!

'I led a long and happy life. Twenty business cycles.'

Sisyphus Revisited.

News on television: 'On Wall Street, stocks rebounded on news that 'up' and 'down' are just states of mind.'

"Have you considered short-term treasurys?"

The Victorious Turtle

'I have a retirement plan... I'm going to get up every morning around 11am... hen make some cocktails... then, a nap...'

"Being adversaries got stale, so now we're drinking buddies."