Financial Absurdity Fan Gifts

"Inland Revenue, sir. We have reason to believe you have found a way to take it with you."

'Now that I have your attention...'

Loan Alley

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Jumping Wall Street.

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Greek Crisis

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

Golden bubbles

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

"We must do something about the bloated, fat cat image bankers have a acquired...I think I'll settle for a bigger chair!"

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

'I called you in here because your expenses and contributions appear to be quite elaborate!'

'It's a retrospective of Bernanke's most obtuse economic jargon...'

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

"Well, I guess the bubble has burst over at Phillips Rodny Associates."

'The difference between Micro and Macro economics is this: Macro is what you owe, and Micro is what you're paid.'

'It's 10pm, does anyone know how much the U.S. dollar is worth?'

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'