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"Could you make it a dollar and a dime, sir? ? My agent gets 10%."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Spot the difference.

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

"At least we're consistent ... "

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Greek Crisis

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

In case of falling markets break glass.

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

Golden bubbles

'I blame Iceland - it's PAYBACK!'

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

The Decline of the Euro.

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'