Finance Joke Collector Prints

And this is the computer that sends out final demands.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'We harbour few illusions here at Megatron Inc.'

'Fair warning, I'm in one of my 'moods'.'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"Oh no! - we forgot to pay the exorcist... we've been repossessed!!"

I can't believe It!

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

Ace Borrowing Company (formerly Ace Loan Company)

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

'Why haven't you done the staff cuts I ordered?'

"Can't hear it at all, miss."

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

The death Tax = Loads of Cash.

'I just asked to see the annual figures...'

Some cultures use fish as money. 'Got change for a halibut?' 'Sure! Minnows OK?

'Frankly, Charles, I'm having a hard time handling our investments'.

"Take this with a grain of salt, Birnbaum, you're fired."

'HARRHARRHARR! Finally! The stock that arouses a feeling of happiness even when it becomes completely worthless!'

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

Squirrel Pyramid Scheme

'I need a loan for a bypass. To bypass my wife. She holds the purse strings.'

'I wish I had my money back...'