Finance Fiction Enthusiast Gifts

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"What's a debenture?"

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"You're a fine one to talk about my spending!"

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

Stock market investment advice

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Tempest in a Teapot