Film Buff With A Flair For Health T-Shirts

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Well, well, well...'

Be Healthy

Distance to avoid contagion

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Fitness guru.'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

'He's fine, it's only man flu not swine flu.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

A tessellation of running figures.

"In my workout this morning I hit a new personal best, but on a seasonally adjusted basis, my numbers actually fell."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

"Eat lots of carrots."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Formally foods that were good for you.

"Thank God!"

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."