Figurative Language Gifts

"We met in my closet."

"But, you guys literally just said you'd die for one."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Campaign for Plain English

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

Punctuation Police

Backfire

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

What's normal?

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

'The Questioner'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

Lesser known greek gods,

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

"Nuts to you, too."

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

Wordplay: Gastropod.

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"