Figurative Language Gifts

"We met in my closet."

"But, you guys literally just said you'd die for one."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Campaign for Plain English

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Torturing the English Language

Thru versus Through Traffic

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Backfire

Punctuation Police

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

What's normal?

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

'The Questioner'

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

Lesser known greek gods,

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

I'm not saying I'm not a hound dog. I'm saying I'm not nothing but a hound dog.

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

Sauce for the Goose