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Ever vigilant, the restive Claus uses it to get an early start on the naughty and nice list.

"Of course he hasn't left you anything, you've been a very naughty boy "

"Operator, these three men on camels have been following me all night! I stop, they stop. I go, they go. I'm so scared. . ."

"Mouse, mouse, mouse, mouse, mouse, mouse, mouse, mouse, mouse."

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

Santa friendly home has giant chimney.

' That nonsense about flying reindeer is just a silly myth.'

'This baby's got 12 reindeer power.'

"As long as you're up there, how about brushing the snow off the satellite dish?"

"Hi! I'm on the bus."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

Christmas Presents.

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

'Oh, Christ.'

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

Santa hosing the Chimney.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"Well, if you expect me to be good, you'll have to bring me something better than the rubbish I got last year!"

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!

'And the Angel of the Lord said unto them, 'Go fill all thy shops with overpriced tat, stuff thyselves sill for four months and see if thou canst get away with calling it Christmas.'