Festive Funny Collector Pillows

Santa parks his sleigh on the rough side of town.

Speed Dating for Turtles

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Tourists and their Pets.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Ball as water-melon.

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

"Identity theft hotline? Yes, it's Dracula again. Millions of people are still stealing my identity on Halloween."

"Are you the pickle guy or the baby guy?"

"Sorry Ma'am, but lamb delivery is only available in Spring..."

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

The First Black Friday

"I'm confused. We were trained to do our business outside, but then they bring in a tree that glows."

"You think your job is hard? I have to remember which date Easter falls on each year."

Free Chimney Cleaning.

'That's typical as soon as you snap on the light, they disappear.'

"For dessert I'll have milk and cookies."

'Hunting doesn't make you naughty, it's natural: Santa knows that...'

"No, that's not mine. Do you have one with a big red nose?"

Christmas Cracker Joke Editor.

'Happy Xmas!'

'Dang...too fast food!'

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

'Bless You!' (snowman kills another snowman with a 'dagger' carrot).

"You know, boys, I could get this crap a lot cheaper from China."

Under New Management.

Snif Snif.

"It's from the environmental lobby. . . they want you to stop putting coal in the naughty kids stockings."

'This is the part of the job I hate.'

Snowman half melted, computer lies on the floor. Other snowman says: 'I warned you about using that laptop.'

'We don't make toys any more. I send the elves to buy them in China.'

"I think UKIP have got to him."