Festive Cynic Mugs

"This time of year I'm truly happy I'm inside."

"It's 2020, children. Just have faith that nothing's gonna work out in the end!"

"He knows when you've been bad or good. That just creeps me out."

'Ms Phelps, can you help me? I seem to have misplaced my Christmas spirit.'

Santa's Payday Loan Grotto

'I hate all holidays!'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"I don't believe in you!"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Bad gifts

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

Xmas Labour Shortage

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

"So, Mr. Claus, there IS a Virginia!"

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

'Houston..Er..I don't know how to tell you this..'

'Well it was a pretty good year.'

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

'Wise up. We're not getting all this stuff because we were good this year - they're bribes for us to be good next year.'

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'