"This time of year I'm truly happy I'm inside."
Festive Cynic Mugs
Find the perfect mug for your festive cynic, featuring witty, sarcastic messages that make holiday mornings more amusing and less traditional.
"It's 2020, children. Just have faith that nothing's gonna work out in the end!"
"He knows when you've been bad or good. That just creeps me out."
'Ms Phelps, can you help me? I seem to have misplaced my Christmas spirit.'
Santa's Payday Loan Grotto
'I hate all holidays!'
"I've always hated Christmas."
"I don't believe in you!"
"'How We Die' - fabulous!"
"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."
Bad gifts
'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'
"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."
'I don't believe in myself any more.'
'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'
"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."
"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"
'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'
The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.
"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."
" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."
"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."
"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."
"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."
'Hey, would you mind stirring your Ovaltine somewhere else?!'
'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'
"I've never hated Christmas, just people."
"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"
"So, Mr. Claus, there IS a Virginia!"
Xmas Labour Shortage
What a stupid custom! I like it. Teddy. Twig. But I don't believe in Santa and neither do you. So don't hang your stocking! I do believe in mom and dad! Ahh
"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"
'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'
'Houston..Er..I don't know how to tell you this..'
'Well it was a pretty good year.'
Festive Cynic Mugs Collection
Festive Cynic Pillows
Check out our collection of playful pillows with sarcastic holiday slogans that add personality to any space.
Festive Cynic Prints
Browse prints featuring sharp-witted holiday humor, ideal for decorating the home of a true festive cynic.
Festive Cynic T-Shirts
Discover funny and witty t-shirts designed for the festive cynic to wear and showcase their holiday humor.