Festival Celebrations T-Shirts

'Why not just serve Thanksgiving dinner in the shoe department next year and be done with it??'

Glastonbury. After.

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

Pete Townshend Vineyards

Lesbian civil partnership.

Mardi Gras

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Cimafunk

'Oh my God. I love it!'

Face painting.

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Southwark Fair.

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

Bacchus.

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

High security Santa's grotto

Cardiac Recovery.

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

Happy Easter

Dancing Doctor

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision