Festival Celebrations T-Shirts

'Why not just serve Thanksgiving dinner in the shoe department next year and be done with it??'

Glastonbury. After.

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

Pete Townshend Vineyards

Lesbian civil partnership.

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Mardi Gras

'Oh my God. I love it!'

Face painting.

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Southwark Fair.

Bacchus.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

High security Santa's grotto

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

Cardiac Recovery.

Bubbly

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

"Ours is not a creative clan."

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

Tension filled the tent.

"Happy St Patrick’s Day"

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"