Feline Dodger Mugs

"Hang on! Every time we flip to decide who will distract the cat, you call 'Heads' and I lose! Let me see this coin of yours!"

"So, in conclusion, I would like to say that although I haven't actually read the book, I still found it a fascinating and enriching experience.

Pyramid catflap...

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

Nun Binning the Devil

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

Health

Man on lilo keeps getting irritated by flies/birds.

"And everything from my dig is brought here where it's identified, classified, interpreted, and the eaten."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

Melvin would go to any lengths to get away from McDonald's advertising...

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

'I mean, how totally lame is this? Just as the marketing for our new video game was about to go viral, the Center for Disease Control shut us down!'

The Demon's Disguise

"Get out of that chair! Frank and Bernice will be here in an hour and I really don't want to spend half of that time cleaning cat hair off the furniture."

"Yep, I'm pretty sure curiosity was involved."

'You mean that's all you ever read, designer labels?'

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

'Does anyone else have anything they'd like to bring up?...'

Cat Dreams

"You should have called earlier."

"I'm sorry, doctor. The cat must have escaped again."

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

"Sorry I didn't return your calls of earlier today."

"You're the therapist - you make it go away."

"We interrupt this endless stream of mind-numbing adverts to bring you a TV programme..."

A terrible fight was averted when someone put 'Fleabottom Boogie' on the turntable.'

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

THERE IS A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE... WHERE IS THE CAT?

'He knows every trick in the book. Ironic really as he has never read one in his life!'

Mountaineer dive-bombed by bird

"I see Rover has introduced himself to you?"

"The seller is highly unmotivated."

"I miss avoiding people."