Federal Budgeting Pillows

'I did not play zero taxes!...Yet.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

"Who's got the hammer?"

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Where are they now?: Office of Management & Budget - Grumpy.

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."