Faux-foodie T-Shirts

'I can always tell when you're going to cheat on your diet.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

Kiddies Menu for Witches

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

Ghostbasters 3

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'My French is not so good.'

Doughnut Criminals

"He's a fussy eater."

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'The stuff legends are made of'

"We're making progress."

"Every time my wife has an accident in the kitchen, I end up eating it. . ."

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

"All I've got left is smoked."

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

Intolerant Chef

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

Tiny restaurant portion. Man finds magnifying glass amongst cutlery.

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

I know you wanted a virgin but it's all I could find at this time on a Friday night.

Pizza Exam: 'Just deliver it around the back of 'B' block. The money will be by the window. . .'

The Diet Fairy is here to grant you three dishes. . . as long as they're under 350 calories each.

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"