Fast-paced Finance Prints

"Computer trading happens so fast, I hardly have time to hit my panic button."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

British savings accounts

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

What happens when the bears are running the market.

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

"That was a rumor day."

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'Looks like your recovery has been slowed by a diet rich in Greece, followed by a bout of gas problems. Continue to take your QE and call me next quarter.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

"According to the most recent report, we have no recourse but to abandon ship."

'The Nobel prize for medicine was awarded to Dr. Quentin R. Owlsey, who developed an anesthetic that leaves patients capable of writing checks.'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

Masochism for stockholders.

'As you can see, we've been recapitalized.'

'I'm sure it's some sort of publicity stunt to get the economy moving again.'

At The Clown Bank.

"Forget consumer confidence, what we need is consumer gullibility."