Fantasy Vs. Reality Observer Pillows

'You're King Kong? You look bigger in the movies.'

I think this interleague play is getting out of hand.

Mother Duck.

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

Magic Act

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Ok, you were right – dogs can see ghosts."

"The idea at 3 am. The idea at 7 am."

Bizarre sights.

'Happy birthday, dear... It's an executive rock.'

It happened on Christmas Eve

"I'm telling you Sancho, these are giants."

World of Cow - Goldfish aren't the only ones to grow into their environments.

'Going bald isn't all bad - just think, you'll never have dandruff again!'

'What part of 'nature' do you not get?'

"After I had my eyes lasered, the people down there stopped looking like ants. Plump, furry and delicious little rodents, yes, but not ants!"

Lemmings jump off a cliff wearing t-shirts reading 'I'm with stupid'.

"What's this? I thought you said we were going on a 'tour of alcohol'!"

"Looks like the thong birds are getting ready to fly south for the winter."

"Just as your family means a lot to you, Henderson, power means a lot to me.

I see the Christmas shift has taken over nice and smoothly again.

A king and queen playing badminton while being held up by their servants in litters.

'You'll have to excuse me. I'm not used to talking to people, in real-time, without using a mobile device.'

"But he's stranger than you. Does that mean you and I should get married?"

"I see a horse down there." "No, looks like a cow, man."

'We lost everything - hot dogs, popcorn, game programs, an order of nachos. Got out of our seats with just the clothes on our backs, but we're both OK, and that's what matters most.'

"Me, after years of begging, I was finally allowed into the house yesterday. You know what, it was kind of a letdown..."

Overly optimistic and overly pessimistic executives

"Why do you always get to be 'half-full' and I have to be 'half-empty'!?"

"It was horrible! I dreamt my food took a photo of me!"

"The promised land isn't quite like I pictured it."

'A tropical depression will move through the area, followed Sunday by scattered outbreaks of temperate optimism and hope.'

'How come when you vacuum, you don't smile like the women in TV commercials?'

'The good thing about being unemployed is when you wake up in the morning, you're already at work.'

She knew that her online boyfriend would be just as sensitive in person.