Fantasy Finance Pillows

'I can turn base metal into gold, or if you prefer, a portfolio of securities, bonds and equity investments.'

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"#Win!"

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

World Economic Crisis.

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'Let's try this church. They welcome all denominations!'

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

Fish and color

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'