Fans Of Humorous Sports Tales Pillows

'...And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you medalling kids!'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

The best goalie in the world!

'Five seconds! ...Four ...Three ...Two ...One ...SPRING!!'

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

Golf escape.

"Twenty seven shots, first hole. I think we'll call that a dodo."

'Watch out for the hidden ball trick.'

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'Wanna play? We need another body... er... one more player.'

"I feel like I play better on clay."

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

'Listen,kid, you're going to have to lower your standards if you ever want to throw the sleazeball.'

False starts.

"Sweetie, I know we missed Princesses on Ice, but I'm going to make it up to you."

"The hardest thing about winning bouts? The other guy's fists."

Competitive Horse at the Racetracks.

'Time is running out - shoot! Everyone is starting to keel over and die!!'

'I know Joe's sight isn't all that but the captain's not going to like it.'

'I believe you want some fencing done at the bottom of your garden?'

'CSI: Basketball.'

"Then I said, let's stay with Santa's sleigh, but nooo ... you wanted to see a Rangers game!"

'No doubt about it... serves are MUCH faster these days!'

Getting rid of the opposition.

Sports update: Some teams won and some teams lost.

'The champ will make twenty million from this fight, mainly from selling advertising space on his shorts...'

'What do you mean, slam dunk??'

'Promise me. Never again. Don't ever get sheared right before a fight.'