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"I don't appreciate you questioning my integrity. Especially since I've skipped town and can't be there to defend it."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

'Henderson makes money the old fashioned way - White collar crime.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Paper or plastic?"

The Ballad of the Lavender Dot - Part Three

Fish mobsters.

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"I almost got away with it! Then somebody called in the SWAT team!"

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

'Tonight's special presentation, 'The Myth of the Mafia,' was made possible by a grant from the Gambino family.'

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

Handcuffs.

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

Al Pacino

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

"It's a beautiful day except for the murders."

Fake Counterfeit Money

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

"Make it look like an accident"

"Gee, Marshal, he must have been one of the good guys"