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"Urine sample...I said sample!"

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."