Family Of The Bride Pillows

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Licensed Therapist

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"I didn't spark joy."

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Cardiac Recovery.

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Dancing Doctor

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'Great news, Dear! I've been traded to a think tank in California for a PhD Specializing in the Baltics!'

"Little help?"

Very Difficult Conversations

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"You left your demons here last week."

'And this is Allan...he's the brain in the family!'

Babies vs. Dogs

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

Swinging

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"Where's the ball? Where's the ball?"