Family Mediator Pillows

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

"Dad said no, Mom said yes, so I'm texting Grandma to break the tie."

'I'll ask her later. I don't want to bother my mom when she's on her mood swing.'

"Please, just give the boy his pocket money!"

"It's you who don't understand me - I've been fifteen, but you have never been forty-eight."

'Hers his. That's not fair.'

MOTHER: All generations of family pester her: Did you iron my shirt? Can I get my ears pierced? etc

A Whispered Appeal.

"I'm in the sandwich generation - my parents don't approve of me and my kids hate me."

'Can we talk about this, Mother?'

The Downside of Nepotism

'And if you think it isn't yours I'll see you at the DNA testing!'

"Your mother and I are separating because I want what's best for the country and your mother doesn't."

'Are you sure your boss told you to put that outside our house, or is to to put mother off visiting us?'

'There will be no underground in this house.'

'Here comes the great arbitrator.'

'Okay, whose mom are you?'

'Mother's day is coming up soon, dear. How about giving your mother an all expense trip home?'

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

'My Mother thinks I spoil you, Brian.'

'Who are you going to believe, Dad or your own flesh and blood?'

'Well, what I'm saying is just what you're saying only with different sound bites'!'

"Dad, stop saying you have a stake in this because you have to pay for the wedding!"

"What's wrong son?" "I've just had a fight with your wife."

Big brother, the time is now to negotiate a peace accord that will end these many years of hostilities between us."

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

"...And I want you to do that right away."

"I'd like you to feel you can talk to me, son, however inarticulate you are."

"So your abuelita moved in?"

"You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself. A lot of parents aren't smart enough to help their 7-year-old with their homework."

'You're not old enough to refuse to discuss things!'

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

When Grandma's on your side....

"I bought mother along for a second opinion."

'Instead of splitting things down the middle, why don't you take the dog and you take the kid?'