Family Mealtime Philosopher Pillows

"And he paraphrased New York Judge Gerard Lynch when he said our country has an overinflated system of incarceration that is far too punitive, disproportionate in its impact on the poor, exceedingly costly and largely impotent in reducing crime. Anyway, that's what I learned in school today."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

The Origins of Everything

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"Is this a bad time for our feedback meeting?"

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"Before we begin, I think you should all know that I once smoked a reefer in 1935."

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

He wouldn't be calling the kettle that again.

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

'If nothing sticks to Teflon, how come Teflon sticks to the pan?'

'Why make the cake? If he's the Creationist you say he is, he'll prefer you bought it ready made.'