Family Law Pillows

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'I want a divorce, a divorce, and a divorce.'

'When the bough broke, how much was the daycare center sued for?'

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

"Whoever she runs to wins custody."

Child's Balloon: Jerome & Reems Divorce Attorneys

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

"He got custody of me in the settlement."

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

'Next item: who gets custody of the dog?'

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'

"The divorce came through . . . I get to keep the kids."

Trial by Media

Lynching on social media

"Good boy."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

The Anti-Agent

"You're fired."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Now leaving designated Free Speech Zone. Shut it!

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."