Family Jam Session Gifts

The No No No's

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Ahhh...'

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

"Hi-yah!"

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

Woman with kids at husbands office.

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

'Save us!'