Family Gossip Prints

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"So, Tom from accounting—you remember Tom, right? Anyway, Tom yells 'TMI, Gail!' Can you believe he said that?" "Textbook Tom."

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

'I wish there was some way we could reduce emissions here.'

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

'Voodoo economics was bad enough, but this voodoo foreign policy....'

Weditorials

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

'Social media makes things so much easier to be a gossip."

'Botox...'

Whitehall: Gave honest impartial advice

'Take a letter,'

The Original Gossip Columns

Pie chart of pub conversations

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

'Never mind that you could have bought Microsoft years ago - I could have married Bill Gates,'

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"

"Legs up to here!"

'Just a minute, girls, while I get rid of an eavesdropper.'

"Thanks for your offer, but in our company we still have a perfect information and communication system. It's called water cooler talk."

'Looks like housing starts are up.'

'Lessee... He's keepin' my ol' guy at Defense, he's got a corrupt warmonger at State, a tax cheat at Treasury, an' the old Marc Rich pardon guy at Justice.... Nope -- I couldn'ta done a better job myself!'

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

Department of Pure Speculation.