Family Diversity Pillows

"Any two gay daddies can beat your two lesbian moms!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

Cry babies.

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Ahhh...'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

The Baby Walker

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

My First Camera

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

Impressing dad.

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!