Family Courtroom Comedian Mugs

'We never should have bought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious or arbitrary.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Gary turns 40.

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Graph Your Relatives!

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

"Bailiff."

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."