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'It's a leaf.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

The Family Joules: Part 16

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Family with pets.

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'It wasn't premeditated.

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

The sofa freshly made up...

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Let's get this party started!'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

'Found her. Keeping her.'

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

'Don't track mud in the house! 'IT'S NOT MUD! IT'S DOG POO!'