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'Is my allowance an unfunded liability?'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

'And this is my strategic money reserve.'

DIY marriage counseling.

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

The ways and means committee reaches the tipping point.

The spend is high

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'In a cost-saving move, I've replaced your cubicle with a back pack.'

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

'My pay envelope is empty.' - 'Your deductions equal your salary'

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

US Deficit

"Strategic plan B: We chop down all the office plants and grow vegetables."

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

Bureau of Spending Decreases and Deficit Reduction - 'Wait a minute! How can that be?'

'I finally understood 'negative numbers' when the teacher said they're just like the US budget deficit.'

Piggy Bank reads 'How to Manage Your Money.'

"In order to balance the budget we will need to make sacrifices, and you are mine"

"No wonder it was so affordable."

'What happens when we run out of gas?!'

'I think we should budget on the number of budgets we draw up'

"Well, if I can't get an increase based on merit, how about one based on the cost of living beyond my means?"

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

"But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring!"

"Right now we're at a budget impasse. I maintain that you provide an essential service, and my wife feels that you do not."

'Our financial statement was delivered 'postage due'. Think that's a sign?'